Weeks 4 & 5

The past weeks have been a roller coaster of good days and bad days. Days where my classroom was productive and happy and days where it was stagnant and negative, even to the point of being violent. I lost control of the room for the first time last Thursday. On Friday we had a community meeting that lasted all morning and things seem to be getting back on track. 

I want to move on to other things today, but first I have to tell you a little bit about my struggle to find my identity as a teacher. It is a constant balancing act between my patient, easy-going nature, my deep belief in democratic education and humanism, and the necessity of maintaining order and control in my classroom. I am much more stern as a teacher than those of you who know me might expect. I demand that things be a certain way in my classroom, that everyone else listens when one person is talking, that my directions are followed exactly and without complaint, that our lines are straight and we are silent (level 0 voices) in the hallway. My demands are heeded only part of the time, but if they are dismissed repeatedly those students are sent away, to a "buddy room" or to the office.

I tell my students quite often that I will not begin teaching until they show me that they are ready to learn (silent, eyes on me, hands not moving). What I have realized is that many of my students are not ready to learn. They have emotional, psychological, and psychosocial barriers to being able to sit quietly and listen to what I or their classmates have to say, or to being able to work on an assignment without constant attention for more than a few minutes. Some of my students shut down when I ask them sternly for the third time to do something, curling up in a ball in the corner, refusing to move from their seat. Several constantly make whistling, humming, or growling sounds without cause. One's grin gets larger and larger each time I ask her to sit back in her seat, even as my face and tone get more and more harsh as she refuses to do so.